Building a Home






Do you want what is best for your children? Of course you do. You love them. You seek their happiness. You plan and prepare for their future. But, if you really want that which is best for your children you must raise your children in accordance with those principles laid down in the Word of God. The wise man wrote, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Pro. 22:6). The simple lesson of that text is just this - Good training, as a general rule, has good effects. The text does not promise salvation as the result of good training. But it does promise that, in the general course of things, a well-trained child grows into a responsible adult.


The Way They Should Go


If you would train your children well, you must train them in the way they should go. not in the way they would go. Our sons and daughters are born with a decided bias toward evil. If we let them choose their way, they are sure to choose wrong (Pro. 22:15; 29:15). If we would be wise, we must not leave a child to the guidance of his own will. train your children with love, patience and tenderness. I do not mean that you should spoil your children. But, I do mean that you should let them know that you love them. Love is the secret to proper training. Nothing will compensate for the absence of love and tenderness. Anger and harshness will frighten a child; but they will not persuade the child that you are right.


If your children see you often out of temper, they will soon cease to respect you.


Loving Discipline


Train your children to be industrious and responsible in life. Life is not all fun and games. Children need to be taught responsibility the earlier the better. train your children with loving, but firm, discipline. Determine to make your child obey you. It may cost you much trouble and cost him many tears, but it will be best for the child. A loving parent will see to it that his children are obedient (Pro. 13:24; 19:18; 25:15; 23:13-14; 29:15-17; Heb. 12:5-11). Be firm and earnest in disciplining your children. Do not punish them rashly, or in anger. Do not use abusive words with them. Such things only create hostility. Use the paddle. Use it sparingly; but use it firmly. A loving, but firm use of the rod is essential to the proper training of children.


Their Souls


Again, train your children with a primary concern for their souls. If you love your children, think of their souls. In every step you take regarding them, in every plan you make for them, and in every decision you make which concerns them, ask yourself one question How will this affect my child's soul? once more, train your children with the firm persuasion that much depends on you. You cannot convert your children. You cannot save them. You cannot train them up to be Christians. And you cannot change their hearts. But you are the one who molds your child's character. And you do it, for better or for worse in his earliest years.


When you have done the best you can, you cannot save your sons and daughters. "Salvation is of the Lord!" We must teach them well, train them well, and call upon the Lord in their behalf, seeking the mercy of God for them. We must commit our children into the hands of God. Having done that, we will rest in submissive faith, trusting the Lord our God to accomplish his own purpose and grace in Christ Jesus, for the glory of his own great name.


I offer these thoughts to you who are believing parents, with the prayer that they may be of help to you, as you endeavor for the glory of Christ to train up your children in the way they should go.





What is it that every man wants and needs from a woman? Today, the great majority of opinion is that marital problems are sexually motivated. But I have found that usually sexual compatibility is not the real problem in marriage. Sex is simply the battleground. The real problem goes much deeper. Do not misunderstand me. Sexual relationships in marriage should be highly valued.


Love Him


Every man needs for his wife to be his lover, really his lover. The more passionate she is, the better. You ladies ought never to be prudish and cold with your husbands. The Word of God gives very plain instruction in this matter. The Apostle Paul tells us, "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled" (Heb. 13:4). "Let the husband render unto the wife her due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto her husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife" (1 Cor. 7:3-4). He admonished the aged women to teach the younger women "to love their husbands" (Tit. 2:4). If you would be a good wife, learn to please your husband well in making love to him.


Reverence Him


But men want and need much more in a wife than a good sexual companion. Every man needs and wants his wife's reverence. A wife should reverence her husband and be in submission to him in all things. The Word of God requires a woman to do so; and it is impossible to build a happy home until this reverence and submission is given by the wife toward her husband.


Ladies, speak well of your husbands. Praise them, encourage them, and honor them with your speech. Don't ever belittle him, either in private or in public. Don't even do it in jest. If you will show reverence toward your husband, both in your speech and in your submissive obedience to his desires, it is very likely that you will receive the love and tenderness you desire from him. I have never yet seen a woman who reverenced her husband and was in subjection to him fail to have a happy home.


A Housewife


Every man also needs for his wife to be a faithful housewife. I do not say that a woman should not work outside the home, or that you should have no outside interests. But the Word of God does teach that the primary, principle sphere of a wife's responsibility is in her home. Nothing pleases a man more than for his wife to keep a neat, clean home, spend some time preparing a good meal, and put forth some effort in preparing special treats for him. If you want your husband to come home at night, give him a reason to do so. Spend your days making your home, and he may spend more of his evenings with you in it.




And every man also wants and needs for his wife to be content. A loving husband will give or do most anything within his ability to make his wife happy. But, ladies, learn to be content with what he is able to give and do. Don't ever nag him about what you do not have, or what you wish you had. And don't ever compare him with other men. Learn to enjoy that which God has given you. Be industrious and thrifty, and your husband will love you for it. If you will learn to live within your means, so that your husband doesn’t have to work just to pay the creditors, it will make life much happier and more pleasant for both you and your husband. Do you want to build a happy home? Perhaps if you will follow these simple guidelines, you can do so. If you are a good wife, it is very likely that you will have a good husband.





What is it that every woman wants and needs from a man? I know that we are living in a day which promotes masculinity among women and femininity among men. And we are beginning to reap the consequences of that foolish trend in society. Our society has produced a generation of effeminate men; and no woman wants such a man for a husband. She will neither respect him nor obey him.


Be A Man


Every woman needs and wants a man who is a real man. The Word of God makes it very plain that a woman needs a man upon whom she can depend, a man to provide for her, a man to protect her, a man to love her, and a man to rule over her. It is the responsibility of every husband to rule and govern his household for the glory of God. Such a responsibility requires firmness and manliness. It does not require harshness and severity. But it does require firmness. A man can be gentle, loving and tender, and still be firm. A husband's word must be law in his household.


Be Dependable


Every woman needs and wants a man who is dependable. Your wife needs to be able to depend on you. It is not possible for a woman to respect a man who is lazy and irresponsible. She needs to know that you will provide for her and your children. She needs to know that you will protect them and take care of them. If you will show responsibility, reliability, dependability as a man, it is very likely that your wife will give you the respect which a man should have. If she can count on you through thick and thin, she will.


Be A Gentleman


Every woman needs and wants a man who is gentle, tender, loving and thoughtful. These things are in no way contrary to manliness. In fact, they are essential to true manliness. It is commanded "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:25). Women need sexual attention and gratification every bit as much as men do. Men should make it their business to be thoughtful, tender, and passionate in making love to their wives.


Probably, most men need more instruction in this area than women. Usually men are shamefully selfish sexually. They seldom make love to their wives. But this thing of tenderness, gentleness, and thoughtfulness goes far beyond the bedroom. It extends to every aspect of family life. I cannot imagine any excuse for a man neglecting his wife. It is inexcusable for a husband to forget his wife’s birthday or their anniversary. But men should be much more thoughtful than that. It is amazing how far an unexpected flower arrangement goes toward making a woman’s day, or a gift of any kind, small or great, just something to let her know that you thought of her.


This is what I am saying be a gentleman, courteous, thoughtful, and caring. Women love affectionate words, thoughtful gestures, and special attention, almost as much as men do. In your speech and in your actions be tender, thoughtful, loving, and gentle. I am sure that your wife will respond favorably to it.


These three things every woman wants and needs in a man: firmness, dependability, and tenderness. No woman wants to be married to a bully or to a sissy. But I have never yet seen a man who was firm, dependable, and tender fail to win the respect of his wife and children. If you are a good husband, it is very likely that you will have a good wife.








Would you be interested in three things which would guarantee a happy home? I do not frequently make any guarantees. But I will guarantee that wherever these three things are found, you will find a truly happy home. If you, desire a happy home seek these three things.


Loving Head


A truly happy home begins with a loving husband at the head of it. — "The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church ... Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (Eph. 5:23,25). The primary responsibility of every home rests upon the shoulders of the husband and father in that home. God holds me responsible for my household. Before God, I am prophet, priest, and king in my home. I am God's representative in my family. That is an awesome responsibility. I am the one responsible to provide for my family, to train my children, and to govern my household. Every husband must be the head of his family. The decisions of the family, the welfare of the family, and the government of the family rest on his shoulders alone. And he must exercise his headship In true love, ruling his household for the glory of God.


Submissive Wife


Second, a truly happy home requires a submissive, obedient, and dedicated wife. — “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church" (Eph. 5:22-23). By Divine inspiration, the apostle Paul commands the husband to love the wife; and he commands the wife to reverence her husband. It is not difficult for a man to love his wife if she is reverently submissive to him; and it is not difficult for a woman to be submissive and obedient to a man who truly loves her. This is by no means a matter of male supremacy or female inferiority. It is simply a matter of divine arrangement.


Our President may, or may not, be a man superior to us; but by God's arrangement he is in a position of authority over us. It is therefore our responsibility to show him proper reverence and obedience as our President. Even so, it is the responsibility of a wife to reverence and obey her husband as her head. He is in a God-ordained position of authority over her. To rebel against him is to rebel against God. To dishonor him is to dishonor God. No woman will ever find happiness in her home until she recognizes her husband as her head, reverences him, and submits to him as such.


Obedient Children


Third, in a truly happy home the children must be respectful and obedient. — "Children, obey your parents In the Lord: for this right. Honor thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise" (Eph. 6:1-2). It is not possible to have a happy home with unruly, disobedient, and disrespectful children. Neither the parents nor the children are happy in such a situation. It is the responsibility of children to honor and obey their parents; and it is the responsibility of parents to see to it that their children both obey them and show them proper honor. I know people say that it cannot be done; but God requires it. It can and must be done. Start early and be consistent, firm, and loving in your discipline, and your children will honor you and obey you. if you truly love them and seek the best for them, you will make your children obey you.


When these three things are in order: When the husband is the head of the family, when the wife is submissive to her husband, and when the children obey their parents, your home will be a happy home.







You can build your home for the glory of Christ. I am talking now to you men and women who are believers. I am talking to you who recognize the authority of the Word of God, to you who know the saving grace of God in Christ, to you who submit yourselves to Jesus Christ as your Lord, to you who seek his glory and endeavor to live for his honor. You can build your home for the glory of Christ. I can speak with some measure of understanding and experience in this matter.


I have been preaching the gospel of the grace of God in Christ for thirty-seven years. And I have been blessed with a happy marriage and pleasant home for the past thirty years. I do not speak as a novice, or an idealistic boy when I say that you can build your home for the glory of Christ. If you would do so, it will require deliberate effort on your part. Three things must be done, if you would build your home for the glory of Christ.


Recognized Authority


First, you must recognize the authority of the Word of God in your home. You must not allow social philosophy, human opinion, or the customs of the day to govern your home. We must not allow the latest opinion poll in Ladies Home Journal to dictate our families’ principles. The Word of God gives us plain, clear, unmistakable instruction in all areas of family life. Finances, sexual behavior, child rearing, and moral conduct are all plainly explained for God's people in the Bible. God tells us what is right and what is wrong. If we are interested in building our homes for the glory of Christ, we ust recognize and subject ourselves to the authority of the Word of God.


Ordered Priorities


Second, you must get your priorities in order. There are some things more important than a big brick home in the most elite section of town, the social class to which you belong, designer clothes, money, and recognition. It is positively wrong for believers to live for and seek after those things. Concerning ourselves and our families, our primary concern should be about our souls.


1.      Seek the glory of God in all things. Make that your first priority, and you will not greatly err.

2.      See to it that your family worships God in Christ. Do not allow anything to keep you or your children from worshipping the Lord God.

3.      Seek the welfare of the Church of Christ. My own family is not my primary concern, but rather God’s family.

4.      Endeavor to promote the Gospel of the grace of God. I do not suggest that you should rob your family of food and shelter; but I do say that it is more important for me to give myself, my time, my labor, and my money for the furtherance of the gospel than it is for me to live in the lap of luxury.


If you would build your home for the glory of Christ, and have any real spiritual influence over your families, you must get your priorities in order.


Believing God


Third, you must live as believers in your homes. If we are truly the children of God, we are strangers and pilgrims in this world. We should be content with God's good providence, desiring neither more nor less than that which he has given us. If we are true believers, we should demonstrate love, patience, tenderness, and self-denial in our homes. There is no place in a believer’s home life for anger, wrath, malice, and selfishness.


Would you build your home for the glory of Christ? If you would, you must recognize the authority of the Word of Gods get your priorities in order, and live as a believer in your home. May the Lord graciously enable you to do so.












Don Fortner, Pastor

Grace Baptist Church of Danville

Danville, Kentucky 40422-9438